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Tuesday, November 1, 2011, @ 6:54 PM
friendship of convenience
Well, i guess its true. that sometimes, when you're nice to someone, kind, and open up to them. They'd take advantage of you. Since young, I'd been taught not to be selfish yet not to be too willing to give to people who i don't know too well. But so far, in my 17 years of life, all those people who I've willingly opened up has proven themselves worthy countless times. Being there when i need them and supporting me in return.
Now, at 18, i journey to a new phase of life. college. No longer in High School, I'm now away from the constant, scheduled, and boring daily life. Away from my comfort zone. I no longer have strict school rules, no uniform, and not even a fixed class time daily. But the worst part of being in college is that, I'm not in that secure and comforting circle of friends anymore. People that have been through the horrible 5 years of being a teenager with me, been through all the ups and downs and silly mistakes i've made, covered up for my wrongdoings, scolded me when i'm wrong and hugged me when i needed comfort? They're no longer there with me every step of the way. They are now only the people i long to see during the weekends or whenever we're free. And i hate it.
Being in college means meeting new people, some who have been great and some who have not been that great. Getting close to new people that might be your next best friend or more likely, just friends of convenience. I've learnt that these 'friends of convenience' don't last more than the duration of being in college. Once you're out, and all the benefits have run out you're thrown aside like some piece of trash. The friendship expires. and that's it. its over.
I have long come to terms with the fact that there are many of my friends that are like that. But what i did not expect was that I've let myself get used and instead of being like the others, reaping benefits out of each other, I've let myself get used and about to be thrown aside. When I've get to know them more, i realized that everyone's like that. get used to it. But i never expected 'her' to be like that as well. It wasn't obvious at the beginning but now that the year is about to be over, it seems that there is no longer any need to keep up the pretense 'she's' been playing for the last 10 months. And its been eating me up, making me feel like an idiot. I'm really mad, resentful and angry but, despite that, i cannot find it in myself to confront or let it out on her. maybe i didn't want this to get in the way of our friendship? maybe i just didn't care cuz it's gonna be over soon anyway. I dunno.
But, then again, I'm sure this thing called 'friendship of convenience' is very common in the later parts of life. At least i already have real friends i can count on right?
